my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
