fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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