like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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