her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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