All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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