I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
