You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
