He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
