when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
