No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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