then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
