It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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