It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
