I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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