True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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