you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
worst night to have a conscience
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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