Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
