I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
