I skipped work to stalk him.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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