oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
