just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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