office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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