Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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