remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
