How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
