Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I touched a dick in church today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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