I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
