Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
