Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was born a porn star she said
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
