Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
