i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
