I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
