Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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