I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
