this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
