Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I looked at my own cervix.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
