woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
