In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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