now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
