at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
