East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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