He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
