I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
