Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
