Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
