I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
