if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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