Soap is not a condiment
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
