God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
