i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
