She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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